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| awwh I had a really nice day today =]
when I mat jammy, this group of about 9 14 year olds tried to beef us (have a fight with us) because we were replying in similar taste to the rude things they were shouting from the bus they were on. Twas good, because jammy banged up about 4 of them, and I got a good few punches in as well. They were all scared of me, because whenever they tried to start on him (bless his socks because he looks so innocent until he switches) I would get up in their faces and make them look small and stupid. This was lots of fun. my jammy has a little swelling on his face, just a tiny one, and he knocked a good few of them onto the floor. One of them tried to kick me (his legs were too short) and i slapped him so hard he fell into the bus stop (1m away). I would have tried to break his nose had a kindly man not picked me up and carried me to jammy, away from the scene. Jammy did not think it was fun, as he hates violence, but those little twats desserved everything that they got from us and more (i basically mouthed off, made the boys look pathetic, swung a couple of punches. James said very little and simply got to business with knocking them out). I quite like fighting. I seldom do it, so it's one of my occassional pleasures =P
after this, we hung out at jammy's for a bit, went to the park, and then went back to jammy's. His dad took us out to the pub for as couple of pints, and it was really lovely because we were all talking about things and generally getting along. We got on really well, and he told jammy when i went to the loo that he thinks I'm a realy nice girl =D yay!!! lovely man. I am a light weight and I found it difficult not to hug him after a couple, but we left so jammy could take me to the train station. We were talking about everything - ireland, morocco, america, music, my jammy (lol), work, the good old days, education....seriously, twas coolness!!! It was a lovely night, and me and jam really enjoyed it!
I love him! <3
1044 cals today, not counting the fruit cals from blueberries and watermelon. Good good =]
xxxxxxxx
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| This makes me laugh - a thinspo, to my knowledge, is a picture if a thin girl who inspires us all to be like her, because she did it, so we all can. So what is a healthspo? A picture of a healthy girl who inspires us to be healthy? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that be someone with a BMI of about 20/21, instead of 17?
Now the word 'thinspo' has become unfashionable due to the media's negative representation of it, so we're calling it Healthspo? All the Healthspo I've seen looks exactly the same as Thinspo to me.*
So does this change the meaning of Thinspo for us all, or is Healthspo just a mask we're hiding our new inspiration behind? What is thinspo now? I guess, by the ThinHealthspo Crew, it's those skeletal women, the Shock Anorexics. The ones who are three days away from organ failure. Well fuck me backwards with a spoon! I know what I'm doing to myself. I'm starving for perfection, granted. But I'm not stupid enough to think a BMI of 16/17 is healthy. It's beautiful, fragile, delicate, lovely, and many other things, but healthy it is not. I'm not gonna lie to myself by saying a weight of 108lb at my height is a healthy weight! the health officials are not wrong - they simply have the wrong priorities. We prefer unhealthy thinness to healthy lumps & bumps. Simple as.
If her thighs aren't touching, or you can see her ribs, or if her hips are poking out, it's fucking thinspo!
*All those who have genuine HEALTHY INSPIRATION pics out there, I'm not targeting you.
&& that's the end of my rant. I'd be interested to hear any opinions out there, of agreement or otherwise.
xxx
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| well i'll catch up from the past couple of days.
Monday: 1160cals
Tuesday: Doner kebab and chips. that doesn't even need numbers.....
Today: 950cals [[jacket potato, bitofbutter, tuna, sweetcorn & extra light mayonaise]] [[2 bettered fish fillets, ooooodles of steamed veggies, gravy for a treat!]] [[Fab ice lolly]]
i feel so bad for feeling like this, but im slightly looking forward to jammy going on holiday. Not because i dont wanna be around him - i always do. it's just that, when we're together we eat, and i cant say no, or im not hungry, or im ill, because he'll know what's up, and i dont want to drag him into this. He's going away for two weeks.
how much weight can I lose in two weeks? half a stone? more?
As soon as he goes away I'm restricting like no one's business - Low-calorie soup and turkey slices. Vitamin pills. Cigarettes. Fish fillets. Low fat, low calorie, low sugar, low low lowwww.
I'm scrapping this week's plan. This week I'm just restricting generally. Next week though, I'm going on the 3,6,9,12 diet. Gonna have to buy a lot of tea, and stay outside my house so that I dont eat lots. *btw, 3 6 9 12 is for those who end up b/p-ing on the 2468, such as myself.
im an evil munchkin. I read people's journals and dont comment. Not because I dont think anyone deserves it, simlpy because I dont have anything useful to say. I could comment like 'yea, go girl, stay strong, ana forever, bla bla bla.....' but what will that do? Also, i used to comment people an awful lot - for every five omments i'd give, i'd get one. Now i only really comment when there is a question to be answered, or if i really like the person who's blogging. or if someone comments me - just because im socially inept doesn't mean i'm rude =]
maybe i'm just too much of a loner.
xxx
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| bleh. im in a bit of trouble. im relapsing again.
usually i dont try and stop it, just enjoy the ride until something snaps me out of it. Today, however, I'm gonna contol it. no longer shall I aim for 600cals a day. 1200 should be more than enough.
for now.
that's what worries me. Anyway, i've gained so much weight since i last relapsed that i should not be eating at all. I'n 143lb. Isn't that just plain disgusting??? Like, when I look at myself, i know where it's all gone - my arse and thighs. Now, admittedly I'm not obese or anything close, however i cant stand how heavy I am. I'm a fat oaf, and I numb my boyfriends legs when i sit on him on the grass. I think I'm gonna aim for 140lb by Sunday. 3 pounds a week is almost nothing.
anyway, I DOOO have a life outside my body, so i shall talk about it. I have my lovely boyfriend (7 months), some of the best friends I could wish for, and glasses. YAAAAY!!!
my bf has glasses as well, but he broke them wrestling with this barstardly guy, and now he cant wear them. His perscription is -5.5 so he cant see how many fingers i'm holding up if i stand 1.5 metres away. i do worry.....
I have an iPod. It plays me music. Very nice.
New week, new me =]
Monday: 1020cals
Tuesday: 1020cals
Wednesday: 1020cals
Thursday: 1020cals
Friday: 1200cals (including 600cals alcohol)
Saturday: 1020cals
Sunday: 1020cals
So far today, I've had half a bowl of honeynutshreddedwheat with semi-skimmed. 150cals. half a tangerine: 10cals. I have a potential 250cals of veggie spag bol in front of me, and i dont know if i can eat it. I basically have to because i dont wanna pig out tonight wherever we go..... Jammy will probably take me out tonight after work to the chinese.
This place has portions bigger than my fxcking flat! massive plates, piled high with food! I guess i could pik something i wont eat, like a beef dish (dont like beef) or a very hot meal...... or i could enjoy myself?
food-wise i've been enjoying myself TOO MUCH lately.
I will try and drag tim to Tinseltown i think......
x x X
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| erm, hey everyone! This is my new journal, but im not new to xanga - i just make a fresh start every time I relapse =]
well, I'm 16, living in London & I keep going back to ana. I hate it, but i love it at the same time. I like losing weight and being small, but i hate the pain, the loneliness, the general avoidance of social events because there's always food there, and i hate what i do to myself.
But i've no time to dwell, may as well just get on with it!
I'm 5'5'' and i weigh 137lb (22.8). My goal weight is 125lb (BMI 20.8). seeing as i want to lose 12lb in about 12weeks, I will stick to losing 1-2lb per week. It's nothing, i know, but if i lose more then an inevitable binge will follow, thus causing a binge/purge cycle to commence. && i can't stop them without help. so i wont go there =]
i'm happy to comment & be friends with anyone, particularly those with similar interests to mine, so i'm just gonna join a million blogrings & see what happens!
I dont cut anymore. I'm trying to give up smoking. I guess those two were stimulated by my boyfriend. But the ana.........that's just for me. once I get to 125lb, maybe i'll stop. maybe i wont. maybe i'll realise what i'm doing to myself & try and be 'healthy' again. Maybe the sight & feel of bones protruding from everywhere will become just as addicting as it always has been for me......
INTAKE
small bottle of apple juice: 113cals
bleh, enough about me, what about yourselves? I like companionship =]
xXx
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